Patrick Kielty
What is he? Where did he come from?
As I remember it, he was a stand-up ‘comedian’ in the nineties, I could be wrong, but that’s hardly the point. The next thing you know, he’s got his own chat show on BBC1 on Saturday nights. It took Jonathon Ross years to get into that position and here’s the thing – Jonathon Ross is quite funny.
Kielty? He makes me want to tip him into a coffin-sized tank filled with box jellyfish and then bury it. They say that if a tentacle of a box jellyfish lightly brushes your skin, it’s like having a cigarette held there for maybe thirty seconds or more. Imagine an entire tank full of them and now imagine Kielty writhing around amongst them. He’d still be smug, though. I’ve never known anyone look so self-satisfied. Maybe it comes from hoodwinking a nation, but that doesn’t come close to justifying it. Tony Blair doesn’t look anywhere near as smug and prior to Kielty, he was the epitome of smugness.
You can laugh all you like at reality TV contestants’ doomed fantasies of becoming presenters. It’s perfectly reasonable. If Kielty can rule the airwaves then why not them; or one of the doctors from Casualty; or one of the patients from Casualty who’s unconscious for the entire episode? Why not my neighbour’s cat who fell asleep standing up the other day? Why not one of that cat’s craps?
As I remember it, he was a stand-up ‘comedian’ in the nineties, I could be wrong, but that’s hardly the point. The next thing you know, he’s got his own chat show on BBC1 on Saturday nights. It took Jonathon Ross years to get into that position and here’s the thing – Jonathon Ross is quite funny.
Kielty? He makes me want to tip him into a coffin-sized tank filled with box jellyfish and then bury it. They say that if a tentacle of a box jellyfish lightly brushes your skin, it’s like having a cigarette held there for maybe thirty seconds or more. Imagine an entire tank full of them and now imagine Kielty writhing around amongst them. He’d still be smug, though. I’ve never known anyone look so self-satisfied. Maybe it comes from hoodwinking a nation, but that doesn’t come close to justifying it. Tony Blair doesn’t look anywhere near as smug and prior to Kielty, he was the epitome of smugness.
You can laugh all you like at reality TV contestants’ doomed fantasies of becoming presenters. It’s perfectly reasonable. If Kielty can rule the airwaves then why not them; or one of the doctors from Casualty; or one of the patients from Casualty who’s unconscious for the entire episode? Why not my neighbour’s cat who fell asleep standing up the other day? Why not one of that cat’s craps?
posted by Blue and Brown | 12:35 AM
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