Razors
Essentially, this is the same point as for pyramid tea-bags, but that’s not going to stop me. Razors work – what’s to improve? Another question is: How many blades can one razor sport?
The answer is, of course, an infinite number. I have looked into my crystal ball and seen the marketing men’s plans for razors and their plans are these: More blades; stupider names; thinly disguised lies; and yet more blades.
Once upon a time shaving was practiced using what is now known as a cutthroat razor. It was all in the name really, so subsequent razors were developed in such a way that it was relatively difficult to cut oneself. Instead, the razor blade would glide across the surface of the face unable to deviate from its skin-skimming path because of the plastic in which it was set. Ingenious.
Nowadays they would have you believe that they can do better than that. The plastic surround now acts in such a way that it lifts hairs in order that they can be shorn even shorter. They can send electrical pulses into your flesh causing the hairs to practically leap out of your face. Modern razors can even suck testosterone from your body and replace it with oestrogen, meaning you will never have to shave your face again, although you may develop breasts.
In conjunction with all these shenanigans, the razor developers have been steadily adding blades. Having a single blade razor is like wearing a toga or fashioning rudimentary tools out of flint. Hell, the single blade razor is a sibling of the rope-bound flint axe. Even Luddites have twin blade razors. Triple blade razors are standard.
I’m not a great student of market trends, but I can see that there’s definitely room for improvement here. I wouldn’t stop until it was the done thing to take a facial cast of every man which would then be manufactured into a sort of attachable beard following the exact contours of the subject’s face, consisting entirely of razor blades. You would attach the razor-beard, press a button, whereupon the entire contraption would pulse imperceptibly removing every last hair right down to its source. Then they could change the attachments for each of these blades, causing you to buy a new one.
The answer is, of course, an infinite number. I have looked into my crystal ball and seen the marketing men’s plans for razors and their plans are these: More blades; stupider names; thinly disguised lies; and yet more blades.
Once upon a time shaving was practiced using what is now known as a cutthroat razor. It was all in the name really, so subsequent razors were developed in such a way that it was relatively difficult to cut oneself. Instead, the razor blade would glide across the surface of the face unable to deviate from its skin-skimming path because of the plastic in which it was set. Ingenious.
Nowadays they would have you believe that they can do better than that. The plastic surround now acts in such a way that it lifts hairs in order that they can be shorn even shorter. They can send electrical pulses into your flesh causing the hairs to practically leap out of your face. Modern razors can even suck testosterone from your body and replace it with oestrogen, meaning you will never have to shave your face again, although you may develop breasts.
In conjunction with all these shenanigans, the razor developers have been steadily adding blades. Having a single blade razor is like wearing a toga or fashioning rudimentary tools out of flint. Hell, the single blade razor is a sibling of the rope-bound flint axe. Even Luddites have twin blade razors. Triple blade razors are standard.
I’m not a great student of market trends, but I can see that there’s definitely room for improvement here. I wouldn’t stop until it was the done thing to take a facial cast of every man which would then be manufactured into a sort of attachable beard following the exact contours of the subject’s face, consisting entirely of razor blades. You would attach the razor-beard, press a button, whereupon the entire contraption would pulse imperceptibly removing every last hair right down to its source. Then they could change the attachments for each of these blades, causing you to buy a new one.
posted by Blue and Brown | 12:56 AM
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